AN ARMY veteran has bravely opened up about the ‘guilt’ she felt after becoming her elderly father’s sole carer in her late 60s.
Rita Westlake, now 72, from Wadebridge, Cornwall, had just retired when she was asked by her father, who just turned 100, to move into his home and care for him in 2016.
Rita agreed to look after her father John as he suffered from bouts of ill health as a result of COPD (Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), asthma and Coeliac disease and other complications - but the immense pressure to continuously meet his needs was recognised by the medical staff and respite care was arranged.
Rita explained: “My dad was up a lot in the night, and we probably had 111 out two or three times a week easily.
“He was bedridden and I was probably getting around two hours sleep in 24. He had a lot of ill health and he is now skin and bone, he has lost two stone in the last six months.
“It was thought he was unlikely to come home from respite care and I was told to prepare myself but within a week he had rallied and after a few weeks it was agreed by all those concerned that he would be better to be cared for full time by nursing staff.
“We had a visit from occupational therapy one day and, seeing the toll being a full-time carer was taking on my own health, the nurse pulled me to one side and said I think you need some help.”
Rita was introduced to Promas Caring for People CIC (Promas CIC), a community-based project organisation in Cornwall which specifically supports unpaid carers about two years ago.
The project recently received £39,960 in funding raised through The Health Lottery and their ethos is to provide both emotional and practical support to the caring community including offering a number of courses to develop personal and career skills.
A keen amateur photographer, Rita chose to join one of the group’s photography courses, led by professional photographer Claire Wilson, and she hasn’t looked back.
“I had lost my passion for life to be honest,” Rita said.
“Claire was fantastic, we met every week and she really gave me that passion back and made me feel secure with the camera. “I had pretty much been housebound for the past eight years, caring for my father, and hardly getting out, and Claire just really opened my eyes to nature.
"I just love the beautiful blue sky and even a weed gives me pleasure. Now I keep my camera with me all of the time and I love taking close ups of anything that’s natural. I feel like a new person.”
Rita candidly admits she doesn’t know what life would have been like for her had she not been connected with the project.
Rita trained as an orthoptist before taking a commission in the Women’s Royal Army Corps, and in later life, property renovations, said:
“I used to be out all the time when I was younger. I joined the Army because I wanted an outdoor life. I’m a bit of a workaholic and probably to my detriment long-term, so I was looking forward to my retirement.
“When it came to caring for my father instead, there was guilt that I felt I owed it to my father. I don’t have children or a generation to lean on, so it was very difficult and it’s something that carers find very hard to admit and speak about.
“I was desperately depressed, I felt like I was being squeezed from the inside. Nurses who came to visit frequently took me to one side and said that I wasn’t looking too good.
‘You’re not looking after yourself so much, because you’re looking after your father,’ they would say.
“It was also hard to explain to people why I was so antisocial, but then when I met other carers at Promas CIC they understood.
"A lot of people that you meet, they haven’t got a clue about caring and the responsibility and what it actually is, but when you’re in a group of carers, it’s unspoken, everybody knows that you’re going through something and they don’t ask the questions that sometimes people ask innocuously that can cause a bit of grief.”
Claire says Rita has grown in confidence since joining the photography course and is thrilled she has ignited a passion for photography.
Explaining how she came to join Promas CIC, Claire, who is also a filmmaker, said:
“After COVID, I decided that I wanted to start teaching as well as professional photography and a contact approached me about working with Promas CIC.
"I wanted to make an impact somehow and share my passion to help people get outside and do things.
“The biggest thing for me is seeing how people changed [through doing the course]. There were some people who wouldn’t even speak at the beginning, and then towards the end they are part of the group. It’s really heartwarming.
“I really saw the shift in people like Rita, where you are coming from a dark place and finding something that brings you to life.”
Rita now visits her father in his care home every morning before spending her days surrounded by nature and new friends.
She has even enrolled in college to enhance her photography skills.
“All the members of the group meet up once a month,” Rita says.
“I’ve actually found the confidence to just go out and do things now even if I’m on my own. I have a diary and write down the things I want to do.
"I’m now taking a further education course in photography which without Claire and Promas CIC I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do.
“I look forward to doing things now and I don’t carry the burden of caring around the clock.. I’m able to get on with my life again.”
Claire said the group is so grateful for the funding Promas CIC received through The Health Lottery.
She said: “The funding is essential. The group wouldn’t be able to do what they do without it. They give essential training for carers but also teach the carers to look after themselves too. It’s vital they receive the funding because it’s an essential service.”
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